Fremd
And so when a couple comes to me in the aftermath of an affair that has been revealed, I will often tell them this: Today in the West, most of us are going to have two or three relationships or marriages, and some of us are going to do it with the same person. Because of this romantic ideal, we are relying on our partner's fidelity with a unique fervor. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the taboo against it. And I am it: I'm chosen, I'm unique, I'm indispensable, I'm irreplaceable, I'm the one. I would never cheat on you.
Fornication
Is she better than me in bed? And instead, switch to what I call the investigative questions, the ones that mine the meaning and the motives — What did this affair mean for you? With Reverso you can find the German translation, definition or synonym for fremdgehen and thousands of other words. Ironically, we used to turn to adultery — that was the space where we sought pure love. And it has led me to think that perhaps these questions are the ones that propel people to cross the line, and that some affairs are an attempt to beat back deadness, in an antidote to death. He needs to become, for a while, the protector of the boundaries. So when an affair is exposed, what are some of the specific things that couples can do? But she also tells me that she's always done what was expected of her: good girl, good wife, good mother, taking care of her immigrant parents.
Esther Perel: Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved
Your first marriage is over. What was it like for you when you came home? Death and mortality often live in the shadow of an affair, because they raise these questions. When marriage was an economic enterprise, infidelity threatened our economic security. Will I ever feel that thing again? So 95 percent of us will say that it is terribly wrong for our partner to lie about having an affair, but just about the same amount of us will say that that's exactly what we would do if we were having one. Am I going on for another 25 years like this? Where did you do it? In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage. What were you able to express or experience there that you could no longer do with me? She also tells me that her father had affairs, but her mother, she found one little receipt in the pocket, and a little bit of lipstick on the collar.
Esther Perel: Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved
But they find themselves in a conflict between their values and their behavior. But what if passion has a finite shelf life? And, partners who were sexually indifferent find themselves suddenly so lustfully voracious, they don't know where it's coming from. Staying is the new shame. And infidelity tells me I'm not. First of all, the conversation about monogamy is not the same as the conversation about infidelity. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner.
Esther Perel: Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved
And never has infidelity exacted such a psychological toll. Er weiß, wie er seiner Frau fremdgehen kann. Now, all over the world, there is one word that people who have affairs always tell me. But some of them will merely survive, and others will actually be able to turn a crisis into an opportunity. In fact, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy, so much so, that this is the only commandment that is repeated twice in the Bible: once for doing it, and once just for thinking about it. The logic goes like this: If you have everything you need at home, then there is no need to go looking elsewhere, assuming that there is such a thing as a perfect marriage that will inoculate us against wanderlust.
Fremd
And the very structure of an affair, the fact that you can never have your lover, keeps you wanting. But who knows what's really going on under the sheets there, right?. Priya, she fell for the arborist who removed the tree from her yard after Hurricane Sandy. The main question that I've been asked since I arrived at this conference when I said I would talk about infidelity is, for or against? And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. And they often will tell me stories of recent losses — of a parent who died, and a friend that went too soon, and bad news at the doctor. Heather, she goes digging, and she finds hundreds of messages, and photos exchanged and desires expressed.
Esther Perel: Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved
Es fühlt sich so an, als würdest Du mit einem Anderen fremdgehen. But for Heather, or deceived partners, it is essential to do things that bring back a sense of self-worth, to surround oneself with love and with friends and activities that give back joy and meaning and identity. And alchemy is the key word here, because the erotic frisson is such that the kiss that you only imagine giving, can be as powerful and as enchanting as hours of actual lovemaking. But on top of it, we are walking contradictions. Affairs are an act of betrayal, and they are also an expression of longing and loss. But it can be healed.
VICE
And why do happy people cheat? But the fact is that it seems that even when we have the freedom to have other sexual partners, we still seem to be lured by the power of the forbidden, that if we do that which we are not supposed to do, then we feel like we are really doing what we want to. Weißt du, ich könnte dir Statistiken zeigen, wie viele Männer nach einer Fehlgeburt fremdgehen. They are often people who are deeply monogamous in their beliefs, and at least for their partner. But now that marriage is a romantic arrangement, infidelity threatens our emotional security. Laughter So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden, yet universally practiced? And I've also told quite a few of my patients that if they could bring into their relationships one tenth of the boldness, the imagination and the verve that they put into their affairs, they probably would never need to see me. He knows how to cheat on his wife. Laughter Now, I like this definition of an affair — it brings together the three key elements: a secretive relationship, which is the core structure of an affair; an emotional connection to one degree or another; and a sexual alchemy.
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